First join a "cattle pen" filled with 56,000 people.
Next take traditional blog style photo of footwear, to show off timing chip.
Now spend the 40 minutes it will take you to reach the start line faffing with your costume, warm clothing, layers of fleeces and waterproofs that are doing nothing to reassure you that you will be warm enough in the first storm of the autumn.
Reach the iconic Tyne Bridge LONG after the red arrows have done their flypast.....
Groan at the half way sign, surely we are further than that.....
Speed up as you see the sea, oh and because the road is impossibly steep at this point.
Walk round wearing the spoils of war.
This weekend I plan to be extremely lazy.